Your Thoughts, Please
February 4, 2008
So… you guys have been quiet about my last post, What is Gossip?. I want to know what you all think about that article by David Cloud. Do you agree with him? Why or why not? Did he take verses out of context to support his beliefs?
I also want to know, from a biblical standpoint if you thought it was wrong for me to post about my mom and Rick’s congregation. I want to know. Not so I can argue with you. I am not looking for an argument. I am not really looking to debate it. I am just interested in your thoughts on the matter. Was I wrong? Was I right? Why or why not?
Thanks in advance for your feedback on this. Contrary to what some of you think, I do not know everything, nor claim to. It may seem like it at times, but I do not think I am "better" than others because they do things differently than I. I just happen to have strong opinions on things and I am not afraid to voice them when I feel it may help someone. I am not above reproach, so please share your honest feelings in the comments of this post.
Thanks again,
Jeff
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February 4th, 2008 at 5:15 pm
I say it would be much better to moderate your comments so you don’t have cult members posting at all. Much better than having ugly arguments with certain cult members for all to see. Confuses the masses. ;)
And I LOVE the pics above!
February 4th, 2008 at 6:01 pm
I didn’t feel like what you were doing was gossip. I felt your mom was continuing to hash and rehash her points on a public forum when she could have e-mailed you in private. If she did not want her dirty laundry aired in public then she should have kept her thoughts between herself and her son. Because she choose not to do that, I do not think you did a thing wrong in your post.
The only reason I did not have a response to the below article was because I was spending most of my time coveting your new baby and your healthy meals. :) As for the article, I agree with Ginger. Don’t think you need an article of that length to say that gossip is telling things untrue with malicious intent. That is not what you wrote in your previous post. Besides, the first half was originally a comment from Katie, can’t you at least pass part of the buck to her. ;)
February 4th, 2008 at 6:06 pm
If someone doesn’t want to be approached in public about their actions, thoughts, beliefs, then they shouldn’t approach others in such a way. She opened herself up to it by repeatedly rebuking you on your blog.
February 4th, 2008 at 6:28 pm
i’m not touching this subject with a ten foot pole, but i just HAD to say how adorable those pictures are!!! Did you stage them or was that just perfect timing? I just love the progression….from her listening intently to her with a slight grin….adorable!
February 4th, 2008 at 6:51 pm
Personally I think you should just rise above the things your mother is saying and ignore it.
We are called to honor our father and mother…not honor them when we agree with them, when they make us happy…HONOR them…no strings attached.
I just don’t feel like your post was honoring….doesn’t matter what SHE did. Raise yourself to a higher standard.
That said, I’ll be praying fervently for all of you!!!!
February 4th, 2008 at 6:58 pm
I was in the kitchen and mentioned to Katie that I needed to get a picture of some kids whispering to eachother. I walked outside to get a picture and Joshua was whispering something to Jill. I took advantage of the situation and snapped a few pictures. Maybe they heard me say something to Katie… I don’t know.
Then I had to add a little nostalgic look to them.
February 4th, 2008 at 7:18 pm
Since you asked (because I’m not one to post comments that go against the flow)…
I was really dissapointed to see that post about your mother. The commandment is to honor your mother. There is no “if an only if” clause in there. If I was your enemy, I’d be upset at the post you written. I would be devastated if my own son wrote an entry putting down many aspects of my life and my husband’s life on some public forum for all to see (half of the readers you don’t know, and even so it’s not very fair to her since they’re only getting your side). It really wasn’t anyone’s business. You chose to share it but you also knew she’d see it and that she’d see the comments other people left. She must feel like dirt. Even if you’re at odds with her, I don’t think you should have done that to her. You don’t have to agree with her lifestyle, or her husbands music, but you still shouldn’t have come on here for all to see and write negatively against her. I could see if she was trying to recruit members to what consider a cult, and you were trying to sheild the world, but that wasn’t your intention. I feel the devil is out to break apart families and cause more disharmony. Yes, she disagreed with you on that post, but she only called you out on that post and what was said. She didn’t bash your whole lifestyle. And I’m disheartened at all the people that said you did the right thing (and one person referring to her as ‘cult leader’ rather than what she really is - YOUR MOTHER). I think they were just looking for a ‘good read’ and some entertainment. After all, they won’t have to live with the reprecussion of all of this, will they? That’s between you and her now. Your family is hurt more.
February 4th, 2008 at 7:28 pm
I guess all of the hostility has kept me from posting. I can’t stand to argue and frankly don’t see the point. It only serves to make people angry and get feelings hurt.
What you said wasn’t gossip if it was truth. What doesn’t set well with me is that it “looked” like you were provoked into speaking out about her, that you finally got defensive enough that you had to come back at her. Because you know her personally you had the ammunition available that would put an end to people siding with her against you. In all honesty I’ve been there and responded to people likewise under similar circumstances and I have always come away feeling like I could have behaved better. Again, that’s how it looked to me and I may be way off.
Yes, I think some comments are better left to email. And yes, hers to you would probably have been better sent through email or over the phone. (as miscommunication can and does happen through print as we can’t hear the tone) No grown man should be publicly reprimanded in this way by his mom (or wife or children…), no matter how much of a mom she was or wasn’t.
Were you right in doing so? I’m so not judging that. It’s between you and God. You know your heart motives, not I.
For a short and sweet version of my thoughts, see Emily’s comment. :)
I’m still reading your and Katie’s blogs and hoping for an end to the drama. Your family is incredibly interesting to me as there are so many aspects you both blog about that I would like to see in my own. Those are great pics!
February 4th, 2008 at 7:46 pm
I was saddened by the whole thing and felt a bit uncomfortable. It reminded me of when you are visiting someone and they have an argument in front of you and get you involved in the middle. I know that was not the intentions and can understand why you needed to explain things so that we can see your perspective of the situation. These things are never easy. I will be praying for you all.
February 4th, 2008 at 8:03 pm
I’m not sure posting the information about your mother in a public blog was the best decision, but I do have an opinion about the ‘honor your Father and Mother’ part.
See, My Dad isn’t a Christian and his decisions/actions/being isn’t something I like to honor. I’ve talked to a pastor about how the Bible says to ‘Honor your Father . . .” but what if he’s not a Honoring God? His answer was that ‘he believes’ that we should strive to honor our Christian parents.
We should also ‘Love your neighbor as yourself,’ and ‘If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.’ So, being rude or demeaning in posts and comments isn’t right either.
We (as readers) have been invited into your family life and should treat you with respect as if we were a house guest. People can be pretty brave and outspoken in comments and blogging, but would never be that way in person.
That’s somewhat rambling, but, That being said, I LOVE reading about your awesome family and life.
February 4th, 2008 at 8:31 pm
Our parents come from a generation where they “did the best they could”. It seems to be the mantra from all of them. It doesn’t matter what happened - how good of a parent or unfortunately, how bad. It doesn’t matter what mistakes were made - and we ALL make mistakes at some point, no one is disputing that. That phrase (to me personally) seems to minimize the pain that we felt as children and that often carries over into adulthood. I used to get so angry when people would tell me how much they loved my mother and what a wonderful person she was and how she’d had such a hard life - it made me VERY ANGRY because I didn’t think of her like that. I saw an emotionally unstable (depressed) woman who would not protect me from my abusive father. I loved her and have learned to have compassion for her and her shortcomings because she really was a wonderful person - but while she was alive and I was known as her child, I couldn’t see it. Maybe if I’d had that same type of compassion while she was alive we could have had a better relationship - but again, that’s just me wishing, it wasn’t reality.
I think that it’s very hard to move on from the hurt of our childhoods if it isn’t validated over and over. I don’t mean to wallow in hurt. I mean for it to be acknowledged as much as we personally need it to be and we move on from it at our own pace. It’s easier to pretend things are okay to someone’s face than to bring up the same old subject of our childhoods over again to someone who’s already moved on and is busy with their new life.
There are no easy answers. I believe that if your mother didn’t want to be addressed in a public forum, she shouldn’t have publicly questioned your motives in her comments. She opened up this can of worms for whatever reason and you finished it. If she wanted to maintain a close relationship with you, it was time for a phone call or a visit. Sometimes it takes alot to make up for our sins. Sometimes an “I’m sorry, I did the best I could” is not enough for a long time.
Don’t be bitter (if you are), that will only hurt YOU and your family. Rise above her choices, you can only be the person God has planned for you to be.
February 4th, 2008 at 9:09 pm
I think you did the right thing, Jeff. When your mom upbraided you in the comments (at least a couple of times), she should have expected a public reply. You are a man and she needn’t scold you “in front” of all your readers.
To honor you father and mother is not to be walked all over by them.
February 4th, 2008 at 9:27 pm
I agree with everything Julia said.
It made me think of a scene from the lovely movie Treasures of the Snow. After Lucien hurt the little boy Dani, Annette, Dani’s sister, is in the schoolroom passing notes about what Lucien had done. When the teacher confiscates the note and asks if it was necessary, Annette is defiant and says, “But it’s true, Sir.” He replies, “I know it’s true. What I’m asking is, was it NECESSARY?”
The details you shared might be necessary for your children to know, someday, but I doubt they were necessary for the rest of us. To be honest, it just made me sad. I don’t want to think less of you and Katie, and I don’t see any reason why I need to personally judge your mother. I’m sure there’s a lot more you could have said and didn’t–and I’m sure your mother has her share of hurts too, if this post was any indication. I hope that you can all find a way to forgiveness and healing……somehow. The hurt on all sides is palpable.
And I have to add one more thing. Whatever your mother may have done in the past, or even this week, to cause hurt in your life, by doing what you chose to do on your blog, you probably have now hurt her so deeply, and humiliated her so publicly (since quite a number of your readers know her from other places) that she now has a legitimate wound from *you* that may never heal. How has that helped the original hurt? Do you honestly feel better?
February 4th, 2008 at 11:26 pm
Julia said “After all, they won’t have to live with the reprecussion of all of this, will they? That’s between you and her now. Your family is hurt more.”
Julia, I doubt the situation could have gotten much worse. When we said no overnights 3 years ago we were told it is all or nothing and they cut off contact with us. We are not welcome in their home (nevermind the veiled threats via e-mail). We have tried numerous times to reconcile yet they refuse. I have no doubt that once Heidi is free from the cult things will look much different to her.
February 5th, 2008 at 12:24 am
Telling the truth about a situation or a person does not necessarily equal ‘dishonouring’.
February 5th, 2008 at 6:24 am
since you asked… no matter what the family circumstances are - how bad they are - we are still called to be holy because we are holy. In this circumstance, I wonder if it would not have been better to email your mom privately and ask her to rather email her thoughts to you privately, because the public forum isn’t the ideal place for a mother to be upbraiding her son (no matter the good/bad relationship). I can understand that you would want to set the record straight for your readers, but “airing” your “dirty laundry”, as you put it, probably could’ve been done with a little less airing. Perhaps your general post to clarify things for your general readers who don’t know your family could’ve gone something like this, “To my readers. As you may have noticed my recent post has caused quite a lot of controversory, not least of which comes from my own mother. I would like you to understand that we have had a lot of family difficulties, particularly in the last XXX years, which has caused a breakdown in relationship between my mother and her husband and my family and I. You will therefore understand that the comments I have been receiving from my mom come with baggage that causes further pain and relationship breakdown, especially because they seem to come from a standpoint of godliness. However, we cannot compromise our own beliefs and family standards, which means that in all likelihood these things will not be resolved this side of heaven. We will continue to pray for restoration without sacrificing the gospel or the biblical standards we have set for our family. Perhaps this is an opportunity for you too to pray for the Lord’s intervention in all our lives, bringing us more in step with the Spirit.”
Personally, I believe that it is one thing having a healthy debate via blog comments amongst strangers, but for family members to enter into the fray is kinda like betrayal. I think family members are more than within their right to make comments, but rather to use avenues which are less public and more fitting to a relationship of mother/son: i.e. a visit, phone call or private email. So, yes, your mom should’ve rather emailed you her thoughts if anything at all. Her comments were fair and came across well from an outsider’s viewpoint, but given your relationship I’m sure that it must’ve stirred up anger and bitterness for you. But, you are not in control of what she does. You are not her holy spirit. You are only in control of your own actions and you are only responsible for ensuring your own actions are above reproach. So, whether your”airing” post was strictly gossip or some other easily “tagable” offense isn’t really the point - the point is, was it loving? and was it above reproach?
Don’t stop posting about homeschooling though! I like the ammunition you’ve been supplying me with :) And please post some of what homeschooling looks like in your home :) Thanks.
February 5th, 2008 at 7:42 am
Since you asked…
From Julia: “Yes, she disagreed with you on that post, but she only called you out on that post and what was said. She didn’t bash your whole lifestyle. And I’m disheartened at all the people that said you did the right thing (and one person referring to her as ‘cult leader’ rather than what she really is - YOUR MOTHER). I think they were just looking for a ‘good read’ and some entertainment. ”
I also agree with Julia and especially what I’ve quoted above. You specifically asked for comments on homeschooling and your mom was voicing her opinion. How the comments turned into a personal bash, I don’t understand. So, yes, it was uncomfortable reading.
I’ve noticed that your mom has been commenting all along on your blogs and seems to be truly interested in the children (as grandma’s should!). I was sorry to see all the negative personal feelings come out.
February 5th, 2008 at 8:20 am
I honestly don’t know what I think about this. Sorry.
February 5th, 2008 at 8:23 am
just changed my mind about my post
February 5th, 2008 at 8:38 am
Taryn,
I like your script. I am torn because I think what Jeff said needed to be said. There have been lies perpetuated and I am hoping this puts a stop to it once and for all but I think that your script is very appropriate for the future if this becomes a problem again. Or perhaps Ginger’s deleting comments would work as well. My hope is that everyone can play nice from now on and there will be no need for public admonishment anymore.
February 5th, 2008 at 8:50 am
Jeff,
I simply can not believe the way your birth mother uses the bible as a weapon against her own son.
I am STILL shaking my head is disbelief.
She absolutely did give up any and all rights to call herself a “mother.” not only because she walked out when you were still a child but because she still has her priorities all screwed up. Her priorities were never then or now about being a mother.
As an adoptive mother, I know first hand that being a mother isn’t defined by pushing a baby out of your body! That is simply the beginning. While I am forever thankful to my son’s birth parents, I will never consider her his mother. “Mother” is earned, not a given.
For her to lay the problem back at YOUR feet after stating she has already apologized a few times and thought all was forgiven proves to me beyond all doubt just how twisted she truly is. The really sad thing…she doesn’t know it.
February 5th, 2008 at 9:10 am
Personally i choose not to air the dirty laundry of our family members no matter how dirty it gets and how much it hurts us. I do occasionally write something in my blog in reference to it, but we have six grands between us and i don’t name names or give a clue as to which one i am talking about. Sometimes it helps me to know that i’m not the only one dealing with difficult family circumstances. Or i might seek advice from others who have travelled the road before me.
Like this week we found out one of our realtives stole our credit card number when they visited and they’ve been using it. While that has been a difficult situation i would never go on my blog and say, “Listen world to what my realtive (specific name or position) has done to us!” It simply is not necessary and would do no good. Now i might say that this has happened to us and seek advice on how to proceed, but i’ve chosen not to do that either. Totally following my husband’s lead on this one and not dealing with it on my own.
I think that you could have handled it differently than you did. Take the high road, so to speak. Delete her comments. Address the situation, but without the personal blows. Some things just don’t need to be shared.
February 5th, 2008 at 10:48 am
Well, I am going to go against the latest swing here, and say that I feel it was appropriate to “air it out”. I have read advice and postings from both parties. I have seen some hurtful stuff come from Katie, and almost quit reading at one point, but then I realized her tone was different than I was used to…why? because her and Jeff don’t sugar coat things. I have read a lot of advice from Reb, but always noticed that there was little interaction between the two parties on the boards I read. I have a hard time accepting advice from someone who only teaches theory and not from experience. I honestly feel misled by Reb, in that her advice is so extensive, and so heartfelt and so researched and thought out, but now I know that it doesn’t come from true experience. Sadly, that changes how I feel about her posts and advice. Someone who has raised their children and stuck by them is a whole lot more qualified to give parenting advice in my opinion. Sorry, Reb, I am sure it hurts to hear that, but it is true. I wouldn’t dream of taking parenting advice from Oprah, but I would surely consider her friend Gayle, because at least she has been with her kids to have the experience.
February 5th, 2008 at 12:34 pm
Jeff,
Were you “justified” in what you did? sure!! Was Christ justified in revenge to those who tormented him? sure!! did He?
When handled publicly and by titling it “the-gun-totin-karaoke-cult-leader-and-his-wife-unveiled” seems more like revenge than someone just explaining the situation to his readers.
February 5th, 2008 at 12:54 pm
You make a very good point, Emily. Justice isn’t everything, as much as we black-and-white types like to think it is. Lots of people in high places spread awful lies about Christ.
Way to bring it back to the Bible! You’ve made me think.
February 5th, 2008 at 2:51 pm
I too really liked Taryn’s ideal comment. But at the same time, I can understand that there’s probably alot more frustration and history to this than any of us realize. It just points out to me once again the foolishness of getting too confident with people we really don’t know.
I find myself frustratingly on the fence. I never feel like admonishment or “encouragement” should take the inflammatory form that it often takes here….it’s not comfortable for me. But at the same time, I can’t deny that sometimes it does do some good. And I do feel some thankfulness that I have been duly ‘warned’ that all may not be quite as it seems with someone I am exposed to often online. Thankful enough to justify what seemed to be a bit excessive……I just don’t know. So what’s a tact-loving girl to do? I guess appreciate the different parts in the body of Christ! We don’t all do things the same way, those who don’t sugar coat things have strengths and weaknesses as well as those who prefer to show more restraint and sensitivity. Maybe I am beginning to appreciate more how they can complement each other.
February 5th, 2008 at 3:03 pm
Honestly, I have to say that I fear you may have lost respect over the post about your mother. As a recent reader, I’ve really enjoyed your posts up until then, and now am reading more cautiously.
It would have been just as easy (and more biblical) to go to her in private. Or just quietly delete, or block her posts, if you felt that was neccesary. But to publically post everything you find wrong with someone, and their lifestyle, in such a manner was a bit over the top.
I don’t recall anyone asking why your children aren’t allowed to spend time with her, or what their taste in friends or music is. If you wanted to clarify the relationship, I think it could just as easily have been said that the relationship was strained, and that you’d appreciate prayer for it, and for them. Although really, it’s nobody’s business what your relationship is with your mother.
I know I’ve done a lot of stupid things in my life, which I have repented of, and while it would all be true, I would still be heartbroken and humiliated if someone decided to “air the laundry” publically.
Matthew 18:15-17 “Moreover if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother. But if he will not hear, take with you one or two more, that ‘by the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.’ And if he refuses to hear them, tell it to the church. But if he refuses even to hear the church, let him be to you like a heathen and a tax collector.
Matthew 18:21-35 Then Peter came to Him and said, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Up to seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven. Therefore the kingdom of heaven is like a certain king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. And when he had begun to settle accounts, one was brought to him who owed him ten thousand talents. But as he was not able to pay, his master commanded that he be sold, with his wife and children and all that he had, and that payment be made. The servant therefore fell down before him, saying, ‘Master, have patience with me, and I will pay you all.’ Then the master of that servant was moved with compassion, released him, and forgave him the debt. But that servant went out and found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii; and he laid hands on him and took him by the throat, saying, ‘Pay me what you owe!’ So his fellow servant fell down at his feet and begged him, saying, ‘Have patience with me, and I will pay you all.’ And he would not, but went and threw him into prison till he should pay the debt. So when his fellow servants saw what had been done, they were very grieved, and came and told their master all that had been done. Then his master, after he had called him, said to him, ‘You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you begged me. Should you not also have had compassion on your fellow servant, just as I had pity on you?’ And his master was angry, and delivered him to the torturers until he should pay all that was due to him. So My heavenly Father also will do to you if each of you, from his heart, does not forgive his brother his trespasses.”
I guess my question to you is: What was the purpose of posting that? Was it truly to explain to others that your relationship was strained? Or was it for some other reason? No need to answer publically. Just a thought.
February 5th, 2008 at 3:23 pm
I dunno Jeff. I’ve known both you and Katie…AND Reb online for a few years now. I’m one that would probably have said less, rather than more.
I think, however, whether right or wrong…the post has served it’s purpose…and you might be better served to change it to reflect the more general explanation so the new readers might understand but not be embroiled in the drama of it all.
I’m still here…if you are counting.
February 5th, 2008 at 3:30 pm
So hey…whatever happened about the 80s perm contest??? If you do it…I have some pictures but no scanner…any suggestions on making them digital?
February 5th, 2008 at 3:49 pm
First off, gossip does not need to be untrue to be gossip. I keep hearing that mantra repeated by people. If it harms the reputation of another person, true or not, and is passed along to others in whispers - it is gossip. How often have you heard gossip about another person via “requests for prayer”? “Did you hear about Sally and blah blah blah? Bless her heart. We need to be in prayer for her.” However, there are situations where sin is supposed to be addressed publicly (after being addressed privately, according to scripture.)
I think that this situation is different than just a son calling his mother out about her past and present. It is a man calling out church leadership to hold them accountable. There is a difference. Church leaders are held to a higher standard than lay people. And I suppose there are instances where “tough love” is the only way to get through to a person.
Could it have been addressed in a different tone? Of course. It was uncomfortable to read. But I don’t know enough about the situation to have an opinion as to whether or not it was out of line.
FWIW - I agreed with the article posted.
February 5th, 2008 at 4:27 pm
Well, it seems that long story short - we’ve discovered that you are HUMAN - as flawed as the rest of us. The bottom line is that you simply wanted to set the record straight and I don’t believe for one minute that you listed ALL of the issues you’ve had to deal with concerning your mother in that one post. Then how can any of us judge whether you have any right to be upset? Geez people, no one is perfect besides Jesus himself and even he lost his temper when he found the gambling tables in the temple so give the guy a break! Yes, he asked for our opinions, but put yourself in his place - he didn’t just post this out of the blue with the purpose of attacking his mother. Maybe it could have been handled privately, maybe not - how do we really know?
February 5th, 2008 at 5:06 pm
I don’t know. I am sure you did it with the “right Heart”. I am sure you were trying to set the record straight, and I can understand that fully. Matters within families are sticky situations, and no matter how you handle them, right or wrong, sometimes people still get hurt. I don’t know if what you did was wrong, but I will tell you this, I am praying for ALL of you, through this. Broken hearts and lives can be hard to mend.
February 5th, 2008 at 5:51 pm
Lisa, you said:
“Yes, he asked for our opinions, but put yourself in his place - he didn’t just post this out of the blue with the purpose of attacking his mother.”
I don’t believe he was looking for a “what I would do in your situation” answer as much as biblical reasons.
You are right …he DID ask for our opinions and I believe most of us gave him the biblical reasons he was looking for. No, maybe they weren’t sugarcoated…but Jeff doesn’t seem like a sugar coating kinda guy!!! =)
February 5th, 2008 at 6:41 pm
I’d like to retract my earlier statement that gossip is revealing an untruth. Christy is exactly right:
“First off, gossip does not need to be untrue to be gossip. I keep hearing that mantra repeated by people. If it harms the reputation of another person, true or not, and is passed along to others in whispers - it is gossip. How often have you heard gossip about another person via “requests for prayer”?”
February 6th, 2008 at 8:53 am
I only read through a few of the comments and I don’t have the time to read through all of them right now, but since you asked a question I thought I would answer.
I agree with whoever said that the situation is a little bit like being present at a fight that isn’t yours. But here’s the deal. This is your blog, a place on the web that belongs to you so you can write whatever you want here. Also readers can always decide not to read certain posts. I read the first few lines of that post and realized it was something that wasn’t of my interest so I stopped reading. It’s as simple as that. I skip blog posts quite often and I still list those as my favorite blogs. Simply because the posts that I do read, I find useful or entertaining.
February 6th, 2008 at 10:10 am
Jeff,
At first, I was surprised by your post regarding your mother. Perhaps she should have emailed you personally, perhaps not. Regardless, I thought it was somewhat dishonoring. Even if she had it coming, the Bible does say to turn the other cheek and that we will be persecuted. I don’t know what I would have done in your situation, I very well may have reacted the same way. I still continue to read you and Katie’s blogs because we are like-minded and on several occassions they have helped me in my mothering. We are all fallen humans, sons and daughters of Adam and we are called to forgive and extend mercy (we will be shown mercy to the same measure). I think you’re right on, Biblically to keep your children away from your mother, given the circumstances. Thank you for striving to uphold Biblical standards for your family and as an example to a world that is perishing.
February 6th, 2008 at 10:38 am
I will admit right up front, that I skimmed a lot of your posts just now to get a feel for what was going on. I’m a bit behind on my blog reading. My DH is out of town and in the last 24 hours my children have said, “Mom, the dog rolled in poop” (he was in my kitchen at the moment, seconds before we are walking out the door), “We’re not doing anything…and no one got hurt either!”, “Mom, before you go into your room I need to explain something”, “Mom, the popcorn maker is smoking!”. Yeah, I’m a little behind on my reading right now. But back to the point of my comment (yes, I do have one). On your kiddos visiting your Mom. We have the right and obligation to limit who our children are supervised by or associate with. As someone with a family tree full of alcholics and drug addicts (with a few pervs thrown in), I excecise this right/obligation often. One of my favorite blog posts regarding gossip is this one http://muchforgiven.blogspot.com/2007/11/pssssstdid-you-hear-about.html
I don’t have any opinions to offer for the moment regarding the cited article or your post about your Mom. I will try to read and absorb the topic at a later date. But for the moment I need to scrub the tub that contained a poop-covered dog.
God bless and good luck with this.
February 6th, 2008 at 1:21 pm
You had the opportunity to ‘be the bigger man’. You had the opportunity to present an example of Christian love, grace and kindness. Is it OK to turn the other cheek, UNLESS it is a family member? Whether people think you were justified or not, you did not present a biblical example.
I guess for me, your post reminded me of how I used to fight with my Dh. When he would offer an opinion that was different from mine, I would turn to a character assassination, or bring up past hurts that had no bearing on the situation, all in order to be the victor over the argument. Luckily for me, he put up with it, and I learned to stop before he lost patience with me :P
There was a lot of info in your post that we, the readers, did not need to know about, and had no real bearing (at least with the info we had) to the debate on the floor.
February 6th, 2008 at 3:25 pm
Lady Roadkill,
As far as presenting a biblical example… biblical example of what? Grace? Being a Christian, or shall I say showing love, is not all about grace, kindness and turning the other cheek.
I understand completely what you are talking about when you referred to you and your husband fighting and it turning into a character assassination. That is not what was going on here. This really had very little to do with her comment and NOTHING to do with her not agreeing with me.
February 6th, 2008 at 7:08 pm
Yes, turning the other cheek and keeping your personal business personal. Obviously, just by the title, you were out to hurt your mother publicly. I am sure you succeeded. Do you feel better now? Can you honestly say you think God would approve of the way you handled this? I am doubting it…
February 12th, 2008 at 6:00 am
Jeff and Katie,
I love reading about your family and doings…honestly if I was in your place with the family issue, I would have done the same. Not saying it was right or wrong.
I know you asked us all what we thought…but coming from some of the dysfunctional stuff similar to you both and attempting to do different with my kiddos and being slammed… Oh how I stink!
I do hope though with some of the comments for me they will sink in as “Iron Sharpens Iron”. I now see my thoughts as I read along would have been wretchedly wrong..ugg need to work on this!
Thank you for keeping it real…giving food for thought
Blessings to you both, Laura