Beware: Book Banned by Pastor
February 7, 2008
I found this on Michael & Debi Pearl’s website. I don’t get it. The book was banned by the pastor because it was too divisive? I wonder what kind of church that is…
Beware: Book Banned by Pastor
By: A Happy Wife in Texas
It is hard to keep our mouths shut. Others want to know how the miracle happened…but our pastor says it is against “the law” of the church…the ONLY law our church has ever had.
Dear Debi,
I have to tell you a crazy story. Keep in mind that we go to a conservative church. Several of the people homeschool and use your child-training literature, including us. I finally got around to ordering Created To Be His Help Meet when my marriage seemed to be falling apart. I had really thought I was honoring God in my relationship toward my husband, yet I felt like I was living in prison, with him as my jailer.
I couldn’t put the book down. It was just so liberating. I finally understood what God meant for me as a wife to be like, and I loved it. My husband REALLY loved it. It is like a fairy tale, it is so good. I was thrilled when my husband handed me $200 and told me to buy a case of the books to give away at church. It was like giving out miracles.
Two Sundays later, our pastor stood in the pulpit and said that he was banning Created To Be His Help Meet from the church members, because it was too divisive. He said if we owned one, we were to throw it away. We were shocked. He has never banned church members from watching X- or R-rated movies. He has never banned anything, so why a simple marriage book?
After church, we asked our pastor what was in the book that was not right. He told us it was not because the book was not Scriptural, but because it was divisive, and therefore not good for the church body. My husband told him our marriage had been almost over, but because I had read Created To Be His Help Meet, we are more in love than we ever were.
Our pastor admitted he had not even read the book, but that several women had come to him insisting that he ban the book because it causes conflict. Are a few women going to decide what the rest of us are ALLOWED to read? If they don’t like it, we will not DEMAND that they read it, so why do they DEMAND that the rest of us not be ALLOWED to read it?
So, now our church is really in an uproar, because a dozen or so couples are wonderfully in love for the first time in their marriage, having already read the book before the BANNING. It is hard to keep our mouths shut. Others want to know how the miracle happened…but our pastor says it is against “the law” of the church…the ONLY law our church has ever had.
This blows our minds.
– A happy wife in Texas
It is hard to keeps their mouths shut??? ARE they keeping their mouths shut? If so, why? It sound to me like it is time to find a new church. I wonder if this is one of those churches where the pastor is not accountable to anyone… Your thoughts?
February 7th, 2008 at 12:14 pm
I personally would take issue with a pastor banning something that he didn’t even know why he was banning it. I believe that when one takes a stand that one should know what they are standing against before speaking against it. When asked why he banned the book it sounds like he passed the buck.
February 7th, 2008 at 12:18 pm
My thoughts - a pastor banning his congregation from reading a book is so over the line of biblical authority it’s laughable. I could understand the pastor wanting to take action if a couple was advocating the reading of a porn rag to enhance marriages - but even then the correct course of action is more along the lines of Matthew 18 and that outlined in 1 Corinthians than a blanket ban. But a book, written by Christians, perpetuated to have biblical principles underlying its advice, is hardly something to ban.
If I were the couple in question, I think I would first go have a good, loving, yet firm, heart to heart with the pastor about his foolish course of action. Perhaps he made a rash, human decision based on external pressures - there may be room for apology. But, if not, then by no means keep their mouths shut. That’s akin to Christians keeping quiet about the gospel because they’ve been told that being a Christian is intolerance. No, no! Talk on Texas couple - and if more division is caused, move on out of there.
February 7th, 2008 at 12:25 pm
This is incredible (yet, why am I not more surprised at this?). I agree with the “Happy Wife in Texas” in that I would never FORCE someone to read or agree with a book they didn’t like, why in the world should someone else BAN me from reading one that has helped me, saved my marriage and opened my eyes to the joyous world the Lord has shown me through marriage with my husband?
Several years ago when the “Left Behind” series was just coming out (I think they were maybe releasing the 3rd book in the series), our pastor rode in my van to a youth group event. He saw the book in my vehicle and proceeded to question me at length - I thought he may be interested in borrowing the book since he seemed so interested. I made it clear to him that while there were many scriptural references, I looked at it as a work of FICTION that was meant to make us THINK - I certainly didn’t believe that it was supposed to be an addition to our bible. Whaddaya know - the newsletter came out a few days later with a two page slam against the books because they were not scripturally accurate!! I was livid about this because this same pastor couldn’t be bothered to get involved with any type of conflict at the church or school. A few parents had asked him to please talk to one of our members about the playboy bunny mud flaps on his truck that he proudly parked in front of the church school during his childs’ t-ball games and he wouldn’t. I had asked him to please privately speak to another church member who was being very judgemental and saying some pretty nasty things about my adopted children and large family in general and he wouldn’t (of course this was after I had privately spoken to her and she lied to my face telling me she hadn’t done this, then proceeded to keep on doing it so my next step was to go to him). However, telling the congregation to throw these books out and not allow their friends, relatives or adult children to read them was okay. Amazing…..when we finally left this church a few years later, he made sure he came to speak to us privately several times about coming back to the church - he was worried about our lack of participation in the church (i.e. it was time to work out the budget for next year and our “financial contribution” would be missed).
I’m really tired of churches where an individual thinks they get to dictate every aspect of our lives!
February 7th, 2008 at 12:29 pm
Education harms no one. Certainly education never rocks a true believers faith.
February 7th, 2008 at 12:44 pm
I remember that article. So sad! It’s easy to call something divisive when you know nothing about it. It’s much harder to go read it yourself and form a wise judgment.
Isn’t there a scientific law about this: people will always choose the easier path (”the path of least resistance”)?
February 7th, 2008 at 1:17 pm
Being a Minister’s wife myself I would never think of us “banning a book” or anything of that sorts. I would never use those words nor would I have the same motivation as to the why the above Pastor banned the book. However, dh or I certainly would caution those in our ministry on any material that we have read, watched or personally reviewed ourselves that did not line up with God’s word. There is a proper place for a Minister to stand up against such things.
No Pastor is perfect, but neither are you! If we judged ourselves as harshly as we judged our Pastors…. nevermind, I won’t go there… :O) Just be careful how much you start to gossip or put down the men that God has placed in this position. I’m talking about the Pastors in your own personal lives that you are griping about above and beyond this article. When you have an issue with a church/Pastor leave with clean hands. =)
February 7th, 2008 at 2:21 pm
Sarah,
I do believe that a pastor should caution his congregation about things that do not line up with God’s Word. The problem I have with this is that he banned the book without even reading it, just because a few women were complaining about it.
I am fully aware that no pastor is perfect and I am also fully aware that I am not perfect. As far as judging goes… do you believe pastors/ministers should be held to a higher standard than men that are not in a church leadership position? I am in no way saying that the standards I place on myself should be lower than the ones I place on them. Do you hold the belief that pastors are above reproach?
I may be wrong, but it sounds like you think all men in a church leadership position have been placed there by God. Is that what you think or am I wrong?
And I don’t understand what you are saying when you said “When you have an issue with a church/Pastor leave with clean hands.”
February 7th, 2008 at 3:49 pm
Churches should not have laws apart from what the Bible commands. He overstepped his bounds. He does not have the authority over his congregation to say they cannot read a book. A heads up on something he actually read or saw or heard that might be damaging is one thing, but it sounds like he just doesn’t want to deal with an issue that needs to be dealt with in churches. And people wonder why the divorce rate in the church is on par with that of the world.
I agree with Taryn that a good conversation with the pastor is in order. But if common ground can’t be reached, how can they keep quiet about something that has changed their lives so profoundly for the better?
Thank you for this post. It reminded me to finally go order that book for myself. It seems like every time I’ve gone to order it before I realize that there is something more urgent that needs to be purchased. I could sure learn some things about honoring and respecting my husband.
February 7th, 2008 at 3:50 pm
When I was griping about MY former pastor (see above) I wasn’t generalizing - I meant him specifically so please don’t take offense - Sarah L.
I was raised Catholic and it was instilled in me from birth that a priest is above reproach, he is not to be questioned under any circumstance because he was called directly by God to be a priest. It’s quite intimidating as a child not to be allowed to ask questions during CCD class or be labled “a troublemaker”. Needless to say, I was Catholic after I grew up and could decide for myself.
I don’t think I’m perfect, but I expect any person with the authority (congregation given or God given) to educate to be educated himself and it doesn’t sound like that was the case here. He banned a book without even reading it to placate someone. That doesn’t sound like leadership.
February 7th, 2008 at 5:33 pm
Yikes!
First of all, he should have read the book before making a decision like that.
Second, if after having read it “IF” he still felt that way which I doubt, or at least hope not, then he should have done the Matthew 18 thing. Again, if he “had” read it, he may have overstepped his bounds by “insisting” that all women read it! LOL! :)
Third, I think he overstepped his bounds, period.
February 7th, 2008 at 5:38 pm
Me being the Soap box kind of gal I am, would have stood up and said, that the only one who our family what will or won’t be in our home, is the head of it, and that is God…and I am pretty sure the Pastor is not him.
He way overstepped his bounds. He is headed for a rude wakeup call, and it won’t be Motel Six style. GOD WILL make him be accountable for the damage done.
February 7th, 2008 at 8:02 pm
I don’t believe in any bookbanning. This ranges from Pearl’s books to Rowling’s books. It’s up to the individual adult to decide whether s/he and the respective minor offspring are allowed to read it.
February 7th, 2008 at 8:51 pm
I agree with Hannah - regardless of the book, if the adult hasn’t read it, they have no right to tell someone else whether or not to read it. Speculating on the content of a book or series by following someone elses opinions is not wise in the least.
Speaking as someone who has read the book, I can see why the women might have been offended by it. But that’s the joy of being an adult - if something offends us, we don’t have to be involved with it! If the pastor himself had read it, I don’t think it would have been out of line for him to address, in church, that he felt the book was not in line with their biblical perspective and invite anyone with questions to approach him later. Calling for a ban of it is overdoing it a little.
February 7th, 2008 at 11:33 pm
This doesn’t sound like a church, but a cult. Or at least cult-like. I’ve lost friendships to churches where the pastor is revered and give wayyyyyy too much authority. It’s mind blowing and very, very sad.
I’ve prayed for this couple..
February 8th, 2008 at 2:59 am
I can’t believe the pastor didn’t even read the book first before banning it. I’m not sure why the book needs to be banned at all. Are we not adults with brains?
February 8th, 2008 at 11:35 pm
Jeff, just wanted to let you know I’m not purposely ignoring your questions directed at me here! I promise I will answer as soon as I get the time. I have my thoughts half typed out and just need to finish without interruption.
No worries though…. I believe we are pretty much on the same page of thinking. ;-)
February 10th, 2008 at 3:55 am
I woul recommend the book, it really changed my heart and totally benefited my marriage, I don’t see anything negative or bad in it, it did make me see that I was controlling and bossy and needed to let my man be a man, I am much more obedient to my husband, which has totally benefited both him and me, not to mention the kids…